“What lies behind us and what lies before us is nothing compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
My days now are quiet, which is how Freja and I like ’em. Jennifer is a different story. Her energy is boundless and her network of friends and colleagues seems to grow bigger every day.[1]Was I like that before? I guess I was, and yet this seems so foreign to me now. Like a different version of me altogether – not better or worse, just a highly caffeinated version of me. I still … Continue reading Despite the quiet around me, my brain still keeps chattering away, like bees buzzing in and around their hive. I do my utmost to keep negative thoughts at bay, but this is easier said than done. The algorithms on social media have my number dialed in. I noticed the other day that the Instagram app on my phone now lacks a pause button, making it even more difficult to get away from scrolling. It just keeps going and going and going from reel to reel until I am able to stop after a while, look around and ask myself, “what in the heck are you doing?”
So much of the world now is dark and violent. I guess it should not surprise anyone that the channels we tune into now on our TVs for relaxation are also dark and violent.[2]What did they say about art imitating life? It takes diligent, focused effort to find media of any kind with positive vibes. More often than not I am only able find positive material in the analog world of books and journaling by hand. Even then, my negativity bias wins out if I am not paying attention. The other day, I needed to put down The Stand by Stephen King and pick up The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King. Fred Rogers was an amazing human, and reading this book is both calming and inspiring. Stephen King can wait.
In peaceful moments, I can only marvel at the millions of details and relationships that needed to align throughout my nearly 60 years of life, enabling me to arrive here in this moment, more or less intact. As a teenager, I almost flipped over a heavy tractor onto myself while mowing grass on a hill. I nearly mangled my legs in the water behind a moving outboard boat motor. I also nearly shot myself with a live round of .22 caliber ammunition,[3]https://realifematters.com/2020/09/06/locked-and-loaded-ptsd/ not to mention almost breaking my legs attempting to zip line down a telephone pole wire. Call it dumb luck or providence, I am still here, alive and mostly well. In the words of Michel de Montaigne: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.”
When I was a young boy, I’m told that someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them that I either wanted to be a minister or a dog. If I was a minister I would go to work with my dad, and if I was a dog I would bury bones in the yard with our dachshund, Andy.
I just walked down to the front room where Freja was sleeping in the morning sun. I told her about my boyhood dreams. I scratched the inside of her ears. She gave me a big stretch, and sighed. Dogs know about living life to the full, and I am joining her fully in this moment.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
References
| ↑1 | Was I like that before? I guess I was, and yet this seems so foreign to me now. Like a different version of me altogether – not better or worse, just a highly caffeinated version of me. I still love coffee, but these days I can only handle half-caff in my mug. |
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| ↑2 | What did they say about art imitating life? |
| ↑3 | https://realifematters.com/2020/09/06/locked-and-loaded-ptsd/ |