Real Life Matters

“Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness.” – Eckhart Tolle

The weather this fall in Michigan has been outstanding. The trees seem to have been given extra time to display their yellow, red, and orange leaves in one last spectacular flourish before their inevitable descent and reunion with the earth. Autumn is an excellent reminder of the endless cycle of birth, growth, life, transition, and death.

On a recent sunny afternoon, I made my annual pilgrimage to a nearby cider mill to buy fresh apple cider and hot donuts. Standing in line, I decided to pay for the cider first and then retrieve it. Cider is heavy, and my medication was in the “off” phase, which means that the tremor on the right side of my body was causing me to perform my usual involuntary jig. At the register, the friendly clerk noticed what was happening and retrieved two gallons of cider for me. She cheerfully asked, “would you like some help getting these to your car?” I smiled and nearly accepted her offer, but then I instinctively said, “no, thanks, I think I can manage.” I somehow got the cider and two dozen donuts to the car without dropping anything. I plopped down into the driver’s seat, contemplating my situation. I devoured three donuts in quick succession like a beaver happily munching branches from a birch tree that he managed to topple to the ground near his underwater lodge.

Living with Parkinson disease makes life a bit complicated. I am always on the lookout for ways to simplify how I get things done. A great example is in my wardrobe. I no longer wear starched button-down shirts, colorful bowties, sport coats, skinny jeans, and chucks. Today you will find me wearing comfy joggers, T-shirts, pullover sweatshirts, and hiking shoes. My fancy espresso equipment has been moved to a box in the garage for storage. Now when I make coffee, it’s instant and almost always decaf. I know, right? Alcohol in any form is also off the menu – it makes my symptoms worse it is not a healthy choice for me anyway. Finally, I am much more mindful about when and what I eat. I take copious amounts of levodopa each day to create a workable amount of dopamine in my brain. The consumption of protein cancels out my levodopa, which reactivates my tremor.

The reality is that, like every other sentient being on this planet, I am facing some losses amidst the many joys in life. When we face loss, each of us has a choice about where to cast our vision. If we look to the left or to the right, we find ourselves focusing on the people and things around us, measuring our life’s value based upon how we perceive others to be doing compared to ourselves. No one ever wins at this game. There is always someone doing better by the usual American measures of income, possessions, and lifestyle. Even if we happen to be “winning” at the moment, the anxiety caused by our never-ending parade of mental comparisons does not go away. It is simply replaced by a fear of losing whatever money, power, or social status we have managed to accumulate through hard work, grit, and fortitude. As anyone who has witnessed a toddler protecting a toy from other toddlers can readily attest, it is human nature to grasp our beloved things jealously. Everything seems to be under constant threat of being taken away, which is, in fact, true. Everything in this world is temporary, and it is all over in the blink of an eye.

We can, however, change our perspective at any time. Raising our gaze, our eyes turn in the direction of the stars, our galaxy, and the galaxies beyond. Deeper and more profound questions quietly bubble to the surface. Why am I here on this planet? What can I do today that will make an actual difference? Who will be my companions on this journey? What will be my legacy when I’m gone? What am I holding onto that needs to be cast aside? What  can I do to change my focus? If we want different answers from life, we can start by raising our gaze and asking different questions.